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2KOOL STANGERS - Joke Thread


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#61 Gixxer750

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Posted 31 December 2004 - 10:26 AM

Cancel credit cards

Do you sometimes wonder, how some businesses continue to exist,
without the common sense or intelligence of an earth person?

Cancel Credit Cards before you die?

This is just so priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer
service being what it is.

My Aunt died this past January. CitiBank billed her for February and
March for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then
added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had
been $0.00, now was somewhere around $60.00. I placed the following
phone call to CitiBank:

Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."

CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges
still apply."

Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."
CitiBank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."

Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

CitiBank: "Either report her account to the frauds division, or report
her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"

Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
CitiBank: "Excuse me?"
Me: "Did you just get what I was telling you.... the part about her
being dead?"

CitiBank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!"
Supervisor gets on the phone.

Me: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."
CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges
still apply."

Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
CitiBank: "..... (Stammer)" ... "Are you her lawyer?"
Me: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given.)
CitiBank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Me: "Sure." (Fax number is given) (After they get the
fax.)

CitiBank: "Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what
more I can do to help."

Me: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep
billing her. I don't really think she will care."

CitiBank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."

Me: "Would you like her new billing address?"
CitiBank: "That might help."
Me: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Hwy 129, plot number 69.

CitiBank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Me: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?
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#62 Mustang: Ride The Horse

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Posted 02 January 2005 - 12:08 PM

A group of second, third, and fourth graders, accompanied by two
female teachers, went on a field trip to Churchill Downs, the local race
track, to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.
When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the boys up, one by one, holding onto their "wee-wees" to direct the flow away from their clothes. As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in the fourth grade."
No, ma'am," he replied. "I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh."

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#63 Mustang: Ride The Horse

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Posted 02 January 2005 - 12:09 PM

Subject: age problems


Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60 year old. "You always feel
like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet
and nothing comes out!"

"Ah, that's nothing", said the 70 year old. "When you're seventy, you
don't have a bowel movement anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you
sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out!"

"Actually," said the 80 year old, "eighty is the worst age of all."

"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60 year old.

"No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a
flat rock, no problem at all."

"Do you have trouble having a bowel movement?"

"No, I have one every morning at 6:30."

With great exasperation, the 60 year old said, "Let me get this straight.
You pee every morning at 6:00 and poop every morning at 6:30. So
what's so tough about being 80?"

"I don't wake up until 7:00."

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#64 Mustang: Ride The Horse

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Posted 02 January 2005 - 12:12 PM

This is a story about a popular minister who on Sunday morning announces to the congregation that he will not renew his contract and is moving on to a larger congregation that will pay him more.
There is a hush. No one wants him to leave.
Bubba, who owns several car dealerships, stands up and announces, "If the preacher stays, I'll provide him with a new sedan every year, and his lovely wife with a minivan, to transport their children!" The congregation sighs, and applauds.
Billy Bob, the entrepreneur and investor, stands and says, "If the preacher stays, I'll double his salary, and establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of his children!" More sighs and applause.
Ms. Ella May, aged 70, stands and announces, "If the preacher stays, I'll give him SEX!" There is a hush.
The preacher, blushing, asks, "Ms. Ella May, whatever possessed you to say that?" Ms. Ella May answers, "I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said . "Screw him."

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#65 Mustang: Ride The Horse

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Posted 02 January 2005 - 12:15 PM

The doctor that had been seeing a 65-year-old woman for most of her life
finally retired. At her next check-up, she was to see a new doctor who had told her to
bring along a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the young doctor is looking through the list, his eyes grew wide as he realized she has a prescription for birth control pills.
"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?
She replied, "Yes, they help me sleep at night."
"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep!"
She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee.
"Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks........And believe me, it helps me sleep at night!"

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#66 Mustang: Ride The Horse

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Posted 02 January 2005 - 12:17 PM

WHO SAYS THAT COPS DON'T HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR?

"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new.
They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate
a worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't
know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can
write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will
help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that
again or I'll give you another ticket."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk
or not. “Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to
ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

"Just how big were those two beers?"

"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now
we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At
least you know someone who can post your bail."

"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.
Sign here."

Straight lines are for cars.
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#67 TraderStang

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Posted 02 January 2005 - 10:10 PM

my personal favorite:

Q: why do they call it P.M.S.?
A: because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken!

and my fave poem:

Dear Lord,
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who f*cks up your day,
and may their arms be too short too scratch
amen rollinglaugh.gif

#68 Gixxer750

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Posted 03 January 2005 - 09:48 AM

A Mans Way of Thinking!


I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together.

I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and
maybe rekindle a little of that magic.

"Wow!", I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now!
I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!"

She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge!
"Yeah", I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!"

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly!
She teased me, saying that she thought tubby bald men were cute!

"Anyway", "I've put on a couple of pounds myself!" she giggled...
...so I told her to f**k off.



It's funny cause it is so true :P :P
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#69 Gixxer750

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Posted 04 January 2005 - 03:18 PM

The Allied Invasion. The Trojan Horse. The Divine Plan. The following strategy puts them all to shame because it defines how to finally defeat the great beast of society: women.

Arguing with girls, like yoga, is a meaningless and inane exercise. A lot of guys hate doing it, most notably because it never seems like we can win. But you can win. Here's how.

Step 1. Abandon all logic. Girls don't use it, and you certainly shouldn't allow it to handicap you.

Step 2. If you believe strongly in something, do NOT give in to any aspect of it. Compromise is useless against girls, because they will rationalize that if they can get you to concede to one element, they can get you to quit on the whole Periodic Table. (Nothing like a little chemistry humor, right?)

Step 3. Don't be afraid to take cheap shots. Ever argue with a girl about something and they randomly insult you with something that has no relevance to the argument? That's their way of trying to wear you down and push you off-topic. Fight fire with fire, I say. Tell her she has a fat ass, small boobs, an ugly face, disorienting facial hair, unwieldy hips, and is a genuinely awful person.

Step 4. Cite precedent. Girls have no concept of historical factors relating to the current situation. Most girls reading this just went over to dictionary.com to see what "precedent" meant.

Step 5. Interrupt her. Don't let her talk. Girls hate that like they hate other girls. It's hilarious, too. They get all frazzled.

Step 6. Don't take her seriously. Laugh at every point she deems serious in nature. Fart, if possible. Derail her emotional train.

Step 7. If the argument escalates, cut off all communication with her. If a girl can't find you, she can't continue arguing about bullshit. Change your phone number, relocate, and get a name change if you must.

Step 8. Don't be fooled by "Let's stop arguing please." That's their way of making you let your guard down, so they can swoop in after you're worn down. Instead, say something like "Yeah, all this being right is exhausting for me." Pisses them off. Just trust me.

Step 9. Compare her unfavorably with another girl. This is especially effective if the comparison is with a girl that they simply abhor. Tell her something like, "Lisa is so much more compassionate than you." Girls hate other girls, like a deer hates a shotgun. And how do you take down a deer? Exactly.

Step 10. Don't be intimidated by the water works. That's their ultimate contingency, knowing that guys can't deal with a crying girl. Stay strong, don't let yourself get emotional, just think of something funny. Replay scenes from "Office Space" in your head if you must.

Step 11. Bust out, "I don't feel like fighting. I've proven my point." Then stop. Leave the argument. It pisses them off because a guy's natural reaction is to resolve, whereas a girl's is to continue forever and ever until the end of time until they hear that they are right. If a guy decides that he is right and won't budge, their whole concept of male-female relations is shot to shit. Again, mind games.

Step 12. Ask her if she's on the rag. Self-explanatory.

Step 13. When all else fails, tell her she's just like her mother. It's an ace-in-the-hole and will emotionally cripple her to such a degree she may even forget her whole argument.
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#70 Mustang: Ride The Horse

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Posted 05 January 2005 - 06:32 PM

Moms
The following are different answers given by school-age children to the
given questions:
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Think about it, it was the best way to get more people.
3. Mostly to clean the house.
4. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. He made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger
parts.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in
the world, and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use
string. I think.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty
bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

How did your mom meet your dad?
1. Mom was working in a store and dad was shoplifting.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk
on beer? Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES
to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

What makes a real woman?
1. It means you have to be really bossy without looking bossy.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dads such a
goofball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the
bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home, and dads just got to work at
work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power cause
that's who you gotta ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What's the difference between moms and grandmas?
1. About 30 years.
2. You can always count on grandmothers for candy. Sometimes moms don't
even have bread on them!

Describe the world's greatest mom?
1. She would make broccoli taste like ice cream!
2. The greatest mom in the world wouldn't make me kiss my fat aunts!
3. She'd always be smiling and keep her opinions to herself.

Is anything about your mom perfect?
1. Her teeth are perfect, but she bought them from the dentist.
2. Her casserole recipes. But we hate them.
3. Just her children

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd dye-it, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of
that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.

Straight lines are for cars.
Corners are for drivers!!!

#71 Mustang: Ride The Horse

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Posted 10 January 2005 - 09:06 AM

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. It is decided that the brunette will go looking for a bull to purchase while the blonde will stay home to run the ranch. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at a ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.
After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word
--
"comfortable." The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde and the word is big. She'll read it very slowly ... com-for-da-bul.

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#72 Mustang: Ride The Horse

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Posted 16 January 2005 - 08:33 PM

A guy goes to the U.S. Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Have you been in the service?"
"Yes," he says. "I was in Viet Nam for three years."
The interviewer says, "That will give you extra points toward employment" and then the interviewer asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes 100%...a mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off."
The interviewer tells the guy, "O.K. I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00 A.M.
The guy is puzzled and says, "If the hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 A.M."
"This is a government job" the interviewer says. "For the first two hours we sit around scratching our balls.......no point in you coming in for that."

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#73 Gixxer750

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Posted 21 January 2005 - 03:04 PM

:P

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#74 Gixxer750

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Posted 21 January 2005 - 03:08 PM

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant in their country club, when

this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big wet

kiss, and says she'll see him later and walks away.

The guy's wife glares at her husband and hollers,

"Just who in the hell was that?"

"Well," replies the husband, sheepishly, "if you must know, she's my mistress."

"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a
divorce!" she rants!

"I can understand that," replies her husband, but slowly he continued, "but just remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more country club, shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more BMW in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours alone."

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous young blonde babe on his arm.

"Who's that woman with Morrie ?" asks the wife.

"That's his mistress," says her husband. As she sips on her martini, she looks at her husband, smiles and whispers,

"Ours is prettier."

#75 Gixxer750

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Posted 21 January 2005 - 03:12 PM

frech11.gif

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#76 Mustang: Ride The Horse

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Posted 21 January 2005 - 09:14 PM

The Real Mario cool.gif

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#77 Mustang: Ride The Horse

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Posted 21 January 2005 - 09:18 PM

:unsure: Look What I Caught :unsure:

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#78 Mustang: Ride The Horse

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Posted 21 January 2005 - 09:19 PM

tease.gif The Ultimate Ride tease.gif

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#79 Mustang: Ride The Horse

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Posted 21 January 2005 - 09:21 PM

wacko.gif Space Wars tease.gif

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#80 Mustang: Ride The Horse

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Posted 21 January 2005 - 09:38 PM

The Real KISS :rofl rollinglaugh.gif :rofl

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#81 Guest_Spenc_*

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Posted 21 January 2005 - 10:40 PM

Those are the Bears I've been telling people about .... that's f*ck'n hillarious! rollinglaugh.gif :rofl

#82 Mustang: Ride The Horse

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Posted 21 January 2005 - 11:33 PM

Give Them A KISS For Me :rofl rollinglaugh.gif :rofl
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#83 Mustang: Ride The Horse

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Posted 22 January 2005 - 09:46 AM

THIS IS GOOD :rofl
Should Children Witness Childbirth?
Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call.
The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked.
Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Max was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Max began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Katelyn quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place, smack his ass again!"

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#84 Mustang: Ride The Horse

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Posted 22 January 2005 - 09:48 AM

Subject: Letter to Bank too_cool.gif

The attached is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96 year-old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

To whom it may concern, I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his depositing the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly transfer of funds from my modest savings account, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only thirty-one years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal,
overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has recently become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status form which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.
Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Please allow me to level the playing field even further. When you call me, you will now have a menu of options on my new voice mail system to choose from.
Please press the buttons as follows:
1. To make an appointment to see me.
2. To query a missing payment.
3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.
8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee of $50 to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. Please credit my account after each occasion. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.
You’re Humble Client,
(Remember: This was written by a 96 year old woman)
Lorraine
:nice:
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#85 Mustang: Ride The Horse

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Posted 22 January 2005 - 09:51 AM

Polish Sausage Message: :unsure:
A man went into a store and told the clerk, "I'd like some Polish sausage."
The clerk looked at him and said, "Are you Polish?"
The guy, clearly offended, said, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something.
If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican?
"And if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"
" Well.......... ."
With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy said, "All right then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?"
The clerk replies, "Because you're at Home Depot."
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Straight lines are for cars.
Corners are for drivers!!!

#86 Mustang: Ride The Horse

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Posted 25 January 2005 - 11:06 AM

On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
"Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"


On a Septic Tank Truck sign:
"We're #1 in the #2 business."
Straight lines are for cars.
Corners are for drivers!!!

#87 Mustang: Ride The Horse

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Posted 25 January 2005 - 11:09 AM

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."


At a Proctologist's door
"To expedite your visit please back in."
Straight lines are for cars.
Corners are for drivers!!!

#88 Mustang: Ride The Horse

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Posted 25 January 2005 - 11:11 AM

On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."


On a Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."
Straight lines are for cars.
Corners are for drivers!!!

#89 Mustang: Ride The Horse

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Posted 25 January 2005 - 11:13 AM

Pizza Shop Slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."


At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
Straight lines are for cars.
Corners are for drivers!!!

#90 Mustang: Ride The Horse

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Posted 26 January 2005 - 04:03 PM

A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage.
A Blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.

We all looked at each other, and another customer asked,
"What is a seven-hundred-ten?"
She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine,
I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there."
The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked
him to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the
middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had
the hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?" She pointed and said,
"Of course, it's right there."

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  • Attached Image: post-58-1106773404.jpg

Straight lines are for cars.
Corners are for drivers!!!